GLAUCO MATTOSO
O CAUTO CAUSO DO UMBIGO
Umbigo, que nos outros é bolinha,
é nelle um buraquinho, mas tão fundo
que fim nem ter parece! E fica immundo
a poncto de feder! Isso o aporrinha…
Num cotonette, tudo que se aninha
alli tende a sahir, mas neste mundo,
ha coisas espantosas, e Raymundo
percebe que algum bicho dentro tinha!
Tirar tenta com pinça, agulha, faca
e o bicho, se mexendo, vae entrando
ainda mais! Raymundo contraattacca!
Nervoso, acha um arame e enfia! Quando
já sangra, é tarde! Excorre do babaca,
em meio ao sangue, um termite, ou quejando…
THE CAUTIOUS CASE OF THE BELLYBUTTON
For some, the bellybutton is so tiny,
for him it is a hole, but it’s so deep,
an end it doesn’t seem to have! It reeks
for dirty it is much! It makes’im grimy…
On a Q-tip, the stuff which was inside him
is often deem’d to leave, but know that here
the weirdest things exist: Raymundo sees
his button had a bug, with him it lied in!
He tries to kill the beast with knives and prongs
the monster going on and on, dove further
Raymundo, overwhelmed, produced too long
a wire, which he drove within to hurt it,
and bled him: late it is! The beast succumb’d:
amid the blood a lice, perhaps, it were…
O CAUTO CAUSO DO ESPETINHO
Em vez de camarões, escorpiões,
tostados, vermelhinhos, que na China
se comem, mas aqui não se imagina
que sejam comestíveis, e grandões!
Raymundo me questiona: “Tu não pões
fé nessa culinária? Ah, coisa fina!”
Recuso-me a provar. Elle termina
servindo esse espetinho às refeições.
Às moscas, quasi, está seu restaurante,
mas elle insiste! E quer, pessoalmente,
mexer nos bichos vivos! Quem garante…?
Batata! Foi picado! Elle desmente,
mas corre a fama e já não há quem jante
alli… mas dor no bolso, agora, sente!
THE CAUTIOUS CASE OF THE KEBAB
A scorpion on the spit instead of shrimps,
the roasted and red ones in China eaten,
but here there is no one who can conceive
that edible are those, and really big!
Raymundo questions me: “how can’t you give
a try to this incredible cuisine?
I, then, refuse to taste. Raymundo keeps
on serving this kebab on ev’ry dinner.
His eat’ry is almost left to the flies,
but he insists! And wishes, by himself,
to tamper with the bugs! Who can comply…?
I knew it! He was stung, however dared
denying what went on, but no one dines
there anymore… his pockets are so sad!
THE CAUTIOUS CASE OF THE APPOINTMENT AT THE UROLOGIST
Nobody likes to wait for evermore
but this appointment’s something that he needs
to do… “Yipee! ‘Bout time!” He can’t believe!
“Raymundo Curupyra!” Someone called,
“Say what? Prostate exam?” He says in awe
reacting, but he must yet do the deed
so, Patience…! Our hero has to kneel
and spread his asshole… “Put away that claw!”
The doctor puts the finger down and cries,
informing he would finger on his slot
for many a time! Who wouldn’t find it nice?
Raymundo, at home, is thinking: “food for thought:
fakirs have had it worse. It would be wise
to assume: a finger’s better than a cock.
O CAUTO CAUSO DO PESADELO
Raymundo com insomnia, acha que algum
remedio ajudará. Mas não tem nada
do typo em casa, exceto uma “marvada”
extranha, artezanal… parece rhum…
Quem sabe com assucar… Mas nenhum
doutor receitaria uma roubada
daquellas! Faz Raymundo a trapalhada
e fica, alem de lucido, bebum!
Bem, “lucido” é maneira de dizer,
pois elle, que na cama vira e rola,
agora quer gozar quer ter prazer!
Punhetas batte, insiste, quasi exfolla
a rola, sem successo! Addormecer
consegue, emfim! Mas sonha que é boiola!
THE CAUTIOUS CASE OF THE NIGHTMARE
Raymundo, with insomnia, thinks that some
Xanax perhaps will help him, but, alas,
at home he’s got just booze, and nothing less,
bizarre and poorly brew’d, it smell’d of rum!
“Who knows if I put sugar…” but there’s none
who could prescribe a medicine so crass
like that! Raymundo, then, chugs on the mess
he gets, asides from sober, pretty drunk!
Well, “sober”’s not exactly what I mean
for on his bed he trashes, rolls and sways
because he wants to cum, and to feel glee!
He tried to jerk one off, but almost graz’d
his cock. Without success, he fell asleep;
amid the dreams he dreamt that he was gay!
O CAUTO CAUSO DO LEITE DERRAMADO
A pizza amanhecida é mais gostosa,
segundo diz Raymundo, que, sozinho
em casa, lambe o beiços, a caminho
da “practica” cozinha, que é espaçosa…
Apenas para elle, e elle não goza
de apê tão grande quanto o do vizinho,
que come pizza cara e bebe vinho
carissimo… Raymundo, enfim, não posa.
Colloca a pizza fria numa enorme
e velha frigideira. Emquanto a esquenta,
relaxa na poltrona e, exausto, dorme.
Acorda com a casa fumacenta
e um cheiro de queimado. Já disforme
carvão virou a pizza… Agora, aguenta!
THE CAUTIOUS CASE OF THE SPILLED MILK
A pizza when warmed up is really “it”,
according to Raymundo who, alone,
would lick his lips while on his way to home
‘fore getting to the kitchen, which is big
for him alone, because he had no wit
to buy a house as roomy as that crone’s,
who liv’d beside and drank the best wine known
and fancy pizzas ate… Raymundo flips
the frozen pizza laid upon a pan,
so huge and old. While waiting, as an oak,
he fell asleep, exhausted, on his chair.
He rises with the house fill’d up with smoke;
smelling of burnt stuff, the dough now fared
not better than black coal. Now eat your toast!